What is mine, and cannot be taken away

My...

What does it mean to use another mask to hide the hideous truth? Why don't we want to show who we really are to those around us, those close to us? It tears my heart to understand the truth, what the truth is to my past.

My name...

I dislike the idea that people rather hide instead of show, we deserve to know who we are to allow trust into out lives. But why doe sit sting to finally let the words slip out of our shivering lips? Diary, I must know.

My name is...

No one knows, but who will? Allow one's self to understand, help and encourage more from their hidden past. Where is my past? It comes slowly but eventually we either remember everything...or forget what we knew... I know these lost memories I had so urned to remember, and now it is for me to keep, my diary.



My name is Chio Kanazawa and I..am my own truth. One no one will ever know...

The real world.

I have taken my time wandering around before returning back to my prison, making sure I had everything under cover before Doctor had left for another night. Diary, I think this is the start of a new life, a double life I have to say.
I am slowly loosing these nightmares I had seen before, but they still come every other night when it is least expected. Then again, it always is.

I was running into the streets, car lights everywhere but I managed to dodge them. I felt as light as a feather before feeling heavy and suddenly stopping in front of a man in a navy blue uniform. He looked like the police men from before around the Asylum, only I felt my heart race in such an odd way. He looked familiar before he called out to me, questioning me something but I couldn't hear him. Instead of responding, I ran for the streets again. What felt like hours later, I found myself staring down at my unfamiliar body, taking in a brief scan before looking back up, no...more like pouncing ahead at a figure. Only seconds later have I seen blood, not theirs, but mine. It was a painful feeling while looking at my wound and the now dead body, the crimson river of blood dropped on their pale face as I continued to hunch over them. So young yet they looked about mid age, a male. I suddenly noticed what I have done after that. A knife plunged deep with in their chest in the area of where their stiff heart use to beat. Seconds flew by like a bird in flight, I raced back down into the darkness of the forest, stopping at the door out of many with in the Asylum. A man in a white lab coat sat, resting on his head his table filled with what looked like experiments and potions like one sees in old monster lab movies. The sound of the dropping blood was only heard as I stretched my hand out towards them, inching closer before disappearing right after he woke up, startled with the chilly feeling of my hand that brushed ever so lightly on his back.
Darkness filled my eyes before I woke up, sweating and panting as if I had too ran for miles around, only to find my old body leaned against the cold cement of my wall.

Diary, what a horrible nightmare that was, but I think it is trying to tell me something. If I'm not what I see myself in these dreams, then what am I? I don't think my name is what it really is, but I don't know what it is either. Slowly it will come, I know, but I hope soon enough before anyone finds out.
I will update soon, my diary.
Wait for me...

Out for a walk.

Diary, I finally got the right amount of time to work on this wreched hole! I managed to squeeze myself and make a swift run for it into a grove of trees before a police noticed me. It was night outside so this helped me in ways to move with out being noticed. I'll take my time to look around here in the streets before heading back when dawn breaks. I'm trying to find anything I could of dropped while I was out here the last time I saw the outside world before Doctor took me in.

Fortune is on our side, Diary, and I will take my time to look for anything that can ring a bell in my cob-webed memories. Wish me luck.

This could be my chance!

Diary, you know that hole I spotted behind my bed? Well, thanks to internet friends, I think maybe another wire can keep the camera down for a few more hours while I try to figure out on how I can expand hole! I’ve taken the time to look around the room to find something to dig, but all I found was a fork from a meal Doctor has left me in the room too eat. As hungry as I was, I still couldn’t take it; I was too scared that I might have experienced another bad dream.

I took the chance to pull another wire, a blue one this time. I kinda shocked myself at the time but it was weird…I thought I saw five faces smiling down at me. Two were my friends from a dream before and the others seemed a bit older. Luckily, I came back to my senses and started to dig with in the hole in hope of making it bigger. I will continue this when I am sure Doctor won’t visit me and I do not see any police around the area of my hole.

Oh diary, I hope this will work out. For some reason, ever since that shock, I started to see the outside world, and I was running around the streets before coming back to reality. Or was that reality in a different view through another’s eyes? This I found very interesting and I hope I can feel that freedom again, because…I actually felt like I was in control of that body.

Until then, I work on the hole and manage to bring back the vision, diary…

These dreams...

I am taking this chance to write down what I saw last night. I had found a secret hole in one of the many walls in my room, and fortunately, it was behind the edge of my bed.
No wonder why I always felt so cold at night.

I have noticed the police have surrounded the area where the water greeted the land, pulling a rather disfigured body out. Just like my dream had foretold, someone had drowned, and I am guessing it much have been a sudden stop of the heart pulse. Luckily, I have taken the advantage of the darkness to sneak my way up at the video camera with my computer desk to pull a red line from behind the camera. So far it has came to my luck that it would be down for a few hours before the doctor notices. For now, I take my time to write a new page, my diary.

How much longer do I have to wait this out? Can it be that what the tea is doing to my dreams has allowed it to become a reality to the unsuspecting individuals that have roamed around this location? I can't stop these dreams, but for once, I must refuse the tea in order to test this out. I fear that I may be thirsty for quite a while, but to know one thing we must sacrifice another, and that is my hunger.

Until a next time, diary, I will write down the newest report. My report...

Sweet dreams.

Diary,

I had a dream, unlike the others that I had, one with a beautiful rice field in Kyoto Japan. My home land?
Anyways, these people seemed happy. The girl who looked down at her reflection, my reflection, looked young and bright. My two friends I assume, ran hand in hand towards me as they pushed me into the water where the rice grew.

I felt like I was drowning, but both hands held mine and pulled me back up. Smiles, laughter, forgiveness. How I miss those days. I think...I am slowly regaining what I have lost, diary of mine.
What happened...to that happy little girl? What am I now...who am I to become now?

Who am I...

What's wrong with me?

Diary of mine, I'm confused. What have I done to deserve this? A man suddenly took me into the building I stopped by, throwing me into this room with little to give. All I asked for was help, I need to know who I am...what happened to me? Why am I in here in the first place?

I need to go for now, I think I hear footsteps comming down the stairs... It must be that man again.

I only hope I can leave this place just as quickly when I was brought in it.

...I'm scared...